Diary of a Stolen Woman

So its 4 in the morning in Montreal, and what am I doing writing this blog? I really don't know, I’m just confused about a whole bunch of stuff. and I thought I'd talk it out with myself. So, I’m completely infatuated with this persona that I've only met a couple of times in my life. But these couple of times have been marking to me, the first time I met him I was about 13 years old or so....and he was part of my sisters "group". It was at an iftar, He's an interesting character, always looking to busy himself up, but my infatuation with hiim only came quite recently. I never really noticed him before. He's got a little something special about him, a great sense of humour and a intrigue that resides around him like an aura. I think what I like about him most is his mystery, he's got these beautiful espresso coloured eyes that make you want to drink out of them and when he looks at you, there is no doubt in your mind he isn't distracted by anything else but you. I also like the fact that not everyone notices him, if you want to find him at a gathering, he won't be the in your face "HEY HERE I AM..LOOK AT ME" person. He'll be the quiet guy sipping him tea in the corner of the room with a mischievous smile on his face. He's got a presence about him that cannot be ignored, and the fact that he's tall doesn't hurt at all...



So when he talks to me, even when there might be 30 people around us, and 6 people between us, its like he's reserve that space in time for this. Every noise is diluted and only sounds like a faint whisper, and he is the only voice that fills the room. His warm voice and his scant appreciation for people who need to be the centre of the world, make me want to get to know him on a level than perhaps anyone has ever achieved . He's just infatuated me, and made me want to pursue a friendship with him. Usually for me that's rare, I don't usually talk right away to people I am not familiar with. But with him, he instantly made me feel like, whatever I said, my answer to his questions, held some value to his eyes. Does he know I think of him this way? I sincerely doubt it, because it only fell upon my thoughts tonight, a time within which I had to myself, to think and pause and rewind. Am I going to pursue this? Perhaps…No I WOULD love it ...having dinner with him made the rain ( it was pouring cats and dogs outside, and I was wearing peak-a-boo sandals), which was soaking my feet less begrudgingly queer.

I don't get to think about insanities like this all the time and when I do, I love it, it makes me wonder what other wonderful things this world holds for me. But for the moment, I am a stolen woman, in need for a night of carefree laughter, irrefutable nonsense, romantic movies..only to get lost in emotions I had forgotten existed. A stolen woman in no need of being found, and glad to see and feel adventure. Hopefully, this man, will be the thief, this espresso eyed robber, who will whisk me into a night of mischief.

yours truly Jamilla..

.a stolen woman

Stopping bad habits

For this Sacred month of Ramadan, I have decided I would stop smoking for my health, for my family, but most Importantly for Allah. Its been pretty hard for me so far because smoking for me was the easy way out of strong emotions. With the cancer stick I could relax, hold on, think and gain some perspective. Without it for the past couple of days, I've been going off on everyone, not being able to control my strong emotions. and every time I feel the need to go grab on to one of my cancer sticks, instead, I go drink some water with a light because before I bring the liquid to my lips I say Bismilah. But during the day, that is infact not as hard as it was at the beggegning of this month.The day passes by pretty fast, and I barely think of taking any nicotine, its the morning right when we are eating suhr, that I used to sneak off and have myself one. While walking home from school and or work I had a cigarette, my mom would annoy me, off I'd go to blow some steam off...it was quite easy for me to come back relativly calm after a 10 min intake of this addiction of mine....

my point is in fact, hopefully I'll get throught the rest of this month having aquired one less bad habit.
make duah that I stop

Jamz

the survey everyone is doing.....

I saw this on Nura's blog, and I am a little tired of studying so I thought I'd write something that didn't require any brain power at all.........

1.LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:Here on Earth, with my sister..I wanted to see 4 brothers..but she wanted cheezyness… and hell she got it..


2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?Right now Im reading a series of annoying Manuals for class…but The Qur’an is outside of my curriculum and..mmm what else Multiculturalism: Fact or Myth

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?Does Mad Gab Count? Even though there are any boards?


4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?Cosmo… don’t ask why, I just do

5. FAVORITE SMELL?My lilac tree in the backyard of my house…it reminds me of my childhood.

6.FAVORITE FOOD?Mama’s cooking

7. FAVORITE SOUND?A Baby’s laughter

8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?Guilt

9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?La Illaha Illa La… THEN mmmm AM I LATE AGAIN tabarnak… Trafic is gonna be nuts

10. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?Tsi Chu ( Chinese Halal place I love)


11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME:Dawud and Jannah

12. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY:I’d buy myself some time..lol no..probably do the smart thing and help my parents with their financial duties…what else..then put it in a bank

13. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?Define Fast….

14. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?Yeah lol I know Im 20 but its really more for sentimental value… I can sleep without it..

15. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?Beautifuly Scary..lol nahh I love em

16. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?still waiting for it….but I hope my first one is a shelby 78

17. FAVORITE DRINK?Coffee…and the special kenyan brew that they sell at Second Cup across the street from Gaza U….the lebanese guy always gives me a discount ( wink wink)


18. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD...":sleep..and learn how to cook better looooooool

19. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?That would imply that I eat brocoli volontarily…which I don’t but if my ma puts it on my place knowing that Im gonna give her that face..she’ll say “Jammy its good for you” And I’ll eat EVERYTHING in one shot… I don’t have time to dissect food I don’t enjoy..LOL

20. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?mmm I would die it back to its original color..whatever color it is lol I think its number 10293 # with highlight 204830# and maybe number 20938-029 on the base what do you think? LOL I’ve never died my hair in my entire life…I was just yanking ur chain..I don’t plan to either


21. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN:Nairobi, Mombasa, Toronto,Montreal… and I went away to Ste Adolphe for 2 months for the past 2 years…so maybe that counts too


22. HALF EMPTY OR FULL?Full.

23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH:Soccer, Basketball,Rugby,Track and field ( KENYAN SPORT) Tennis and hockey..( only when the habs play)

24. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS!it wasn’t sent to me lol I just took it off Nura’s blog, but one nice thing to say about her hummmmm…… she’s the nicest Cow ever

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?Night Owl..to the CORE

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?don’t eat eggs that way


27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?My lazy Boy

28. FAVORITE PIEApple pie a la mode mmm the crumble stuff is good too

This morning

I am awake this morning and I have only Allah to thank for that, and so as I usually do within the first seconds of my waking, I bat my eyes twice, and whisper to myself: "La Illah Illa La" There is no God but he. For had I not reaffirmed my own beliefs to myself, I would forget, and had I died this very morning, I would have died without saying those important words to myself. This morning is beautiful, one among many, and I am glad to have had the opportunity to have them. As I woke, my mother called in the hallway "Jamillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa its time to eat, quick, come upstairs!!!!" This year Ramadan has blessed me with yet other moments to count as memories of my life.....as usual my brothers come and we eat well before we vow to take a fast for Allah, it is truly beautiful and unique the atmosphere I feel this year. Somehow along with the chaos of noise, laughter, tears, there is a resonance of peace that has engulfed my house. Praise be to Al-Karim...

I am a little nervous about he exam that is about to take place today, so I read more than the required chapter of the Qu'ran per day. I read and was filled with this sense of comprehension, I feel warmth and peace as I am about to embark in my second session of midterms at what students lovingly call "Gaza U."

So, as I am preparing my stuff for school, and sifting through my laptop notes of class, I wanted to share my overwhelming sense of gratitude. No matter the result of this exam, I am ok with that, for I did positively study like an insane person, and now, I have to but see the result of what I call my "ultimate cramming session". Its not really cramming, because I've been prepping this exam for the past two weeks, but the last three days, I've stayed in the study dungeon of my bedroom.

Therefore, someone plz wish me luck as I am about to embark on a sordid adventure one might like to call "The Education system"

take care younglings
Jamz

Alone

I've been pondering a whole bunch of non sense for the past 3 days, and I've come to three conclusions, first that I have WAY too much time on my hands and not enough stuff to do to fill it up, second, that when one is secluded, one has time to figure out nonsensical things and lastly DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE for three days..

No basically the nonsensical bit are untrue, I've figured out plenty of things that make a little sense.... Ramadan has been a most refectory process for my inner spirit......

I've come up with a couple of interesting fact about my being and its place in this world. First I’ve discovered myself an eternal optimist. Second I love the city I live in with the profundity of the Nile. Finaly I'm completely in love with the fact that I come from a mix background.

Why am I the eternal optimist? Only the Most Bountiful could truly explain that for He knows me better than I know myself...but I'll try to explain it. I started speaking to this person, who in my opinion finds it fashionable to not believe that the world can and will correct itself. He believes that history serves no purpose, and cannot and will not help us learn from our forefathers mistakes, and improve upon them. That is one of the main reasons I want to teach history in High school. Because I remember when I was there, history was but a bore, and the only reason I took it was by obligation....(in Quebec one can only receive their diploma after completing level 4 history) which is basically a bore...to me at the time. But then I met an Amazing teacher who made history a part of me, and made it very personal. He basically taught us to see that history is human nature at its prime...( hence the reason it was recorded) unfortunately human nature at its prime is pretty repetitive… and consistent. We were a very culturally rich school with a sum of about 54 or 56 different nationalities . So then my teacher thought to himself;" Why would bunch of immigrants care about Jacques Cartier and Canadian history?». Conclusively, he related our own background that lay various part of the world, to this very dulling history. Therefore, remembering tidbits of Cartier, Maisonneuve, Cabot, was a easy as remembering ones own revolution; that has be counted to us by our parents, neighbours etc.. History was no longer dulling, it became personal, and became a very real part of my life and the lives of all the students in that class.

Where was I going with this? Yeah my eternal optimism stems from the fact that he utterly helped me change my perception of humanity, and its reoccurring circles, things that made me very much aware of the fact that as we live, I am reliving history, and somehow by teaching it to others, that would help us alter our vision of this world. Hence my optimism!!

Why do I love Montreal? Really its quite simple....it has the best of both worlds...You have the anonymity of a big city...the services of a big city....and the quaintness of a small town. Its pretty incredible that I can walk down the street and say hello to someone else without knowing them and the response isn’t an automatic... eyebrows arch, they either smile or respond “Bonjour”. There is no staggering aggressiveness and there are always line-ups at bus stops no pushing nor shoving, individuals helping ladies with baby carriages without being asked, if someone steps on your foot in the metro, they always stop and apologize, I always stand up for pregnant or old ladies in the bus/and or metro, and I’m not the only one. I can ask a police officer to give us directions, and not fret about walking about with my papers.....Christmas, Ramadan, Hanukkah, Kwanza, the Chinese New Year...are all celebrated on a grand level, to the point where...even big name restaurants have a Ramadan special...Chinese 7alal restaurants...WHERE else in the world do you see these things occur? I love it and when I travel it makes me appreciate it 10 million times more...

Finally why am I in love with the fact that I come from a mix background? I always wanted to belong somewhere when I was young you know? Belonging to 2 distinct ethnic backgrounds in Africa, isn’t usually a problem, I could adapt to both, and be accepted, but the fact of the matter is that my parents converted to Islam ( my father was Catholic, and my mother an adamant protestant) prior to my being birthed so my sense of belonging no where to be found. Their tribes rejected both me and my parents profusely. Then to add to the culture trauma, we moved to Canada and to find belonging my parents were my only point of reference.

But I've seen that not belonging to any ethnic group has made me belong to a group that surpasses the exclusivity of an ethnic and or cultural group. The group that I belong to, is that my Ummah... I love the fact that I know and love these people and belong to them because of their values and ethics. Those are the only things that bind us together...isn't that beautiful? One might ask why does this have anything to do with the fact that I come from two African countries, the reason is pretty simple, had I been part of only one ethnic group, my being Muslim wouldn’t have changed much, I would still be full blooded, but the Islam thing was the drop that drowned the vase. Therefore, instead of being forsaken for it, I love it, embrace it and hope to never part with it. With that, I’ve learned, 2 things, one that my parents sacrificed a lot for their beliefs, second that I shall never be alone, if I am Muslim, my Ummah, my Allah that is all I need to belong. Therefore I say with pride, that I will and should be more loyal to my fellow Muslim than to the territory within which I was born, I will please Allah dutifully Insh’Allah and that is all I seek in this world.

yours truly,

Jamz