.:Love: Blissfull ignorance:.

Its very hard to describe what one would call love, I mean when I think to myself of the many memories I have of being in love, I always smile thinking to myself, that when those memories were created I had no knowledge of its untimely end. Innocence and blindness, naiveté is what made me fall so uncontrollably and so deeply. I didn't know what could come of it, nor did I care, I just seized every single moment I could spend with that person. So is bliss the ignorance of all the circumstances that surround us? I think that's what made me so happy in my time of naive child-love. Because had I know then what I know now, I would have been a cynic, and I would have never have engulfed myself so fully in this relationship, in this heart of mine that was broken countless times. I would have avoided a connection with another human being. I would have surrounded myself with things I knew would work, and as expected they would have worked. But aren’t the wonders of love the fact that one does not know the future? One does not expect or demand anything? Just receiving boundless memories that are to be made. I was lost so many times in a persons eyes, in the things they made me feel, so engrossed in that passion that I could not see what lay before me. And today nothing would make me smile at memories, nothing would allow my innocence to make me remember what it was like to know nothing other that what was expected. Innocence, bliss is all ignorance of what lay before them, it is everything and nothing and makes you smile when knowledge has come to you. It even leaves you with a delightful little tingles of what it was to kiss, hug, touch, this person that one harbors no longer those feelings for. Its makes for us a wonderful understanding that not understanding something sometimes is best, because were we to rationalize every single detail of our lives, we would find that sometimes not thinking things through makes things more beautiful. I really don't know what I am blabbing about only that I had a beautiful memory of my first kiss...

Yours delightfully unaware
Jamz xxx

.:birthdays are ??:.

I just turned 21 this past weekend thinking to myself what have I done, in the last year to be graced with such a beautiful gift as time. Well, I graduated from Cegep, got my heart broken, and what else? Learned that were I to live alone I would a complete and utter neat freak. I've enjoyed most of my time as a 20 year old, but the obstacles of my road this year took something from me. I am ususally very cautious when it comes to telling people my business ( yeah lol the blog is somewhat diffrent) and cautious about even making friendships. I don't know why, but that has been my thing. Its almost as if I think someone is out to get me. And in some ways, that has been drilled into my head from birth by my parents. Obvisouly they never told me that everyone is out to get me, but keeping ones eye one their company was certainly important, and not reveiling too much about myself because it might be used against me. Which has been done, over the course of my 21 years, but only 2 which is a wholesome average for being wrong about whom I choose to befriend and confide in.

Where was I going with my over cautiousness? Yeah well during this year, it was a time of reflection, a time of introspection, and letting go of my inhibitions. I did things I never thought I'd be able to do, for example be in a social arena, within which 99.9% of the people at the gathering weren't aquaintences of mine and I managed to get out of it, make it profitable in my clientele and I was genuanly at ease. I also learned that I've develloped a talent in which I can tell who wants to bother talking to me and who doesn't right from the get go. Another accomplishment would be, that I've learned to smile more often than I ever have before. It wasn't something I did free of cause, but on a general scale now that I have to work in an enviroment where I have to encourage clients to buy from us rather than from our competitor, a smile goes a long way, and it merits alot on a scale of if the sale goes well.
%0

Jamz who finaly turned LEGAL EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD

Camera Crazy

Sorry I am going a little camera crazy but I had to endulge myself in a couple of more beautiful monuments of faith in and around Kenya. Including the Silver Dome Mosque aka Jamia Mosque in Nairobi ( Nations Capital), also happens to be my favorite because that was were both my parents, and 3 sisters made their Shahadah:)

Kenya...and its mosques...

Since everyone was rep-ing bout their countries, figured I would to a general search of muslims in Kenya ( althought, those are not my roots; both my parents converted to Islam) but its was facinating to see and kinda get a gasp of how long Islam has planted its roots in my country.

I know one mosque in lamu ( a city about south east of the coast) has one of the eldest mosques in East Africa that dates of 1500AC ( the tomb stones I found on another page confirmed as early as 1420 AC)

2006...so what?

So far, in this secular time schedule, the year of 2006 AC is one of the most confusing years I've ever encountered. I feel free in some ways, and trapped in others. My family al7amdoulilah is doing much better than last year; we have somehow shifted toward something honest, clean and pure. But my heart, my being, I feel like pure stagnation. Like a star which lost its life long ago but we can still see it shining from the sky. I have some many things to be thankful for, because no matter how bad ones situation is, there is always something far worse, pending of course on the eye of the so called victim.


A love stricken person who doesn't have his/her feelings shared could believe somehow that, that is worse then death. Some people actually die of that, a pure broken heart, but I know Allah doesn't give me things I am not strong enough for. Then someone who doesn't have his essential needs dealt with, always struggling about. I guess we don't realize on what level our lives depend on so many things pretend happiness. Some are satisfied with very little others never satisfied, EVER. So it’s never really a matter a matter of what cards one is dealt with, its more a matter of how one plays the game of life. I am not ungrateful for all the blessings that befall on me. I am just a little sad, for myself, these days the only friends I have, are the stars in the sky that Allah put there for my eyes to see, when I am shoveling up snow in the driveway early in the morning for my father. I watch, I talk to them.... because they just fill me with light and happiness. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I have many friends of course, am lucky enough to have found such deep souls. But sometimes, those deep souls behind those beautiful eyes, I cannot bring myself to reveal myself completely unto them. Is that lack of trust? Most certainly. Why is that? I've seen more people hurt with the truth, than hurt with lies.

Therefore, if I don't reveal my complete self to everyone, I figure I won't get unnecessarily hurt, by my own fault (which would be to confide in someone who wasn't worthy of it) because no matter what anyone else says, I would completely blame my own stupidity on the matter. I've been hurt a lot in this world, and that is not to gain anyone's pity or compassion that I say this, I say it so that people who know me or at least know what I have allowed him or her to understand of me, that they can somehow understand me better. I am a very private person, and I have walls around myself to protect my heart from being hurt, I maybe loud I maybe soft spoken, I may look shy I may look reserved. None of these reveal my true self; I am one way with certain people and another way with others. Everyone is multi-faceted, therefore like I said; I lean on the stars for guidance, to listen to me, for shelter from the craziness of the world.

Hopefully I get out of my phunk
Jamz